Don Carter Online

Putting the Boy Back in the Man                                                                     February 23, 2010

One thing that I have learned from the last year of therapy, is that somewhere along the line in my marriage I lost the boy in the man. I have a couple of theories as to how he disappeared but the result is the same. I lost him there. Or maybe he was stolen. This isn't to say anything except that marriage changed me. It change me in so many subtle ways that when the divorce happened I didn't recognize me. I had lost my inner boy, that fun mischief maker that I loved for so many years. The laughing in my soul disappeared. I wondered why and how this happened. So  I looked for him for almost the last  year. I wondered where he had gone. Lately I began to see glimpses of that rascal, only to have him disappear again after feeling the effects of another hidden landmine. When those would explode,  the boy would be off, seek cover and hide for a while, emerging when he again felt safe.

Then while reading a magazine tonight at the counselor's  office, Good Housekeeping, (yeah I know irony when I see it), I ran across an article on maintaining relationships and this relationship advice from the actor Matthew McConaughey. I share it with both you guys and ladies in hopes that you both can learn a lesson from it. He said, "Sometimes when a woman falls for a guy, she asks him to change, (I take this to mean she subtly asks and not necessarily outright asks)and he changes so much that she loses her Huck Finn, the rascal in the man she fell in love with. Men are willing to change to make you happy - but don't completely take the boy out of the man. Your going to miss him."

It seems to me that when my boy changed to please her, I was the last one to miss him. If he decides to come back for good, I won't allow that mistake to happen again.

And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.

God Bless,

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 E-mail me at doncarter@aol.com