Monographs 2004
New Year's Suggestions December 30, 2004
I don't know how many years I have made resolutions only to have them fall by the wayside. A lot of the had to do with getting more exercise and eating properly, you know things that are forgotten as soon as the Super Bowl Parties rolled around. As I got a little older I began to see the futility of any resolution that required any major sacrifice on my part. For a while I stopped making any real resolutions, opting instead for some New Year's Suggestions. I suggested that I might be a more considerate husband and a more loving father than the previous year. It worked for me. (I had always thought I was considerate and loving anyway.) The comparison was easy for me to see and to in fact believe that I had been.
For some reason I felt I was more successful at following through on my New Year's Suggestions. I know why. A suggestion was like someone's advice, you could follow it or not and not feel guilty about it. A resolution was like a promise, and if not kept made me feel like I had failed myself. So I became very selective in what I resolved or suggested for myself each New Years.
There are things for which we need to hold ourselves accountable. Taking better care of our health and well being is probably the most important. That covers a lot of acreage for each of us. Each must know what is important for their well being. I have found over the years that my well being depends on loving and being loved, the simple things in life that confound the wise.
My New Year's Suggestion for you is that, whether on not you resolve or suggest, you find what is most important to your well being. Once found that you pursue it with all your heart.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
Winding Down 2004 December 23,2004
As the year winds to a close I find that I need to take some time to remember some of the highs and lows. I found this to be a year of extremes. Mom's passing was a strange mix of both extremes. But from this I have found some things about myself and life that I needed to know. No matter who comes or goes, life moves on. It may slow for a bit, while we catch our breath, but it never stops. No one person, no matter how loved or cherished has the power to stop it. Enjoy life with friends, and family, and someone special, if you can.
I got a photo in the mail the other day from my nephew's wife. A snapshot in time, when my world slowed for a bit. It was a photo of my sisters and brothers and me taken at the time of Mom's funeral. The six of us, in one place at one time to honor our Mom.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year December 19, 2004
There is a song that starts out "It's the most wonderful time of the year". I don't disagree with the sentiment but I do ask why is that true. What makes the Christmas Season more special that the first day of summer. Why does it seem more special to gather with friends and family now than at a cook out on the Fourth of July?
Maybe the obvious answer has to do with the religious connotations of the season. The celebration of the birth of Jesus, the coming of our Lord, remind us that God loved us enough to send His Son for us. Born to Die for our sins and show us the way. Although I am pretty sure the way is not through a gift from Neiman-Marcus, maybe the light of our world can teach us a lesson from it. He gave us His Best, we need to give our best to him. For us to give less than our best to Him and to those around us defeats the purpose of the coming of Christ. We don't need to spend a lot of money on things that don't last. We do need to invest in things that do.
Our parents, children, and family, our friends and even the strangers that come into our lives can all benefit from time and effort we invest in them. The shame of it all is that we don't always do this year round. What would this world be like if we did?
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
Waiting for Christmas December 7, 2004
Sometimes the weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas take on the feel of an old black and white version of the television show called The Twilight Zone. At the least it is a bad case of deja vue. It seems that I have been here before. Like millions of Americans going about their business, shopping for just the right thing for that someone special.
It is early but I haven't gotten into the spirit yet and I may not this year, at least in the traditional sense. Many things have happened this year that are causing me to give pause (I like that phrase...give pause) and consider the true meaning of Christmas.
Of course we celebrate the birth of our Savior, and beyond that I get into a giving attitude, smile at strangers and consider what it would be like to hold Christmas in my heart all year. But the latter is so very hard to do. Our feelings toward others always catches up with us. It's not just me either, I notice others around me as well carrying burdens. Maybe it is about forgiveness and unconditional love too. After all isn't that why Christ came in the first place?
Above all the gifts my friends can give me, those are the gifts I really need, and the ones I find most desirable this year.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
Home Sweet Home November 11, 2004
I made a trip to Davidson this week to haul a bed and chest along with some other things to Julie's new home in North Carolina. I made the trip solo since I still had most of my vacation from this year left. I'm not complaining though as I was able to spend some quality time with Julie when I got there. Her home is a nice two bedroom house on a large lot that was once lived in by people that worked at the Davidson Cotton Mill, just about 200 feet away. And even though it has been renovated to year 2004 standards, you can almost picture a guy from the 1920's kissing his wife and kids good-bye and walking toward the mill, joined by other workers on there way to the mill. Maybe the wife and kids tended a garden where the lawn is now.
I found my self enjoying Julie's excitement about moving in. In this place she is really on her own. No roommates to deal with, (although she has had some great ones) just Julie vs. the World. And if you know Julie, you sort of feel sorry for the world.
Regardless, I am convinced that is where she needs to be right now. Although she is too far away to just pop in on, I am at peace with it.
The three day visit was too short, but I enjoyed every minute of it. I drove home thinking how much God has blessed us, even though we don't always deserve it.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
Another Landmark Gone But Not Forgotten October 27, 2004
It had been several years since the girls playhouse - fort and swings had seen any real use and probably 3 or 4 years since I last saw one of the girls sitting in the fort or on the adjacent barn roof. Its' last purpose other than to collect leaves was a holder for one of Mary's bird feeders. Of course the squirrels figured out how to steal more seed that the birds ever hoped to get. So it was with some sadness for me that a couple of years ago I asked the girls about tearing it down to make use for the space in the backyard. Being the sensible, mature daughters they are they finally admitted that they had outgrown it.
I spent one Saturday removing the roof of the fort and the tire swing and swings and slide from their places. And so it sat for almost a year, waiting for its death sentence to be carried out. It was to be taken down and reconfigured into a simple resting place for a porch swing that I made 20 years ago. No more would it enjoy the sound of little girl giggles and "Push me higher, Daddy" or "Watch me Dad". No longer a fort, a ship, or a giant litter box for Rusty our cat of long standing. No more would it be a place of solitude for a daughter that needed space, away from her Mom and Dad, or a quiet place to read or study.
Then about a year ago, I decided to offer it to a friend that had three young daughters. I thought that they might enjoy it as my girls had for almost twenty years. He accepted it but because of schedules and conflicts we didn't take it down until this past Saturday. I know that there are pieces that he will have to replace, nothing lasts forever. New mingled in with the old. A Transition. Somewhat like our lives as we get older. Keeping old useful parts and incorporating new ideas. Still making memories.
I know that Mary was not sure I would ever take it down, because I delayed for so long. Maybe she realizes what I've never said to her, that I built that play set by myself. It was a part of me, an expression of my love for our children and her. Like me it wasn't perfect. It wasn't even finished after all that time. But it served its purpose, like I hope I still do to all of them.
Saturday night I stood in the back yard alone looking at the emptiness that occupied the space. But in my mind's eye I'll always see two girls swinging and laughing. My heart smiles.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
In My Mind I'm Going to Carolina October 18, 2004
Before 1997 I never gave a lot of thought to the Carolina's. Oh, I loved the mountains and loved taking the girls through Cherokee on our way home from a few days spent with Granny during Christmas break. I loved camping there and going white water rafting on the Nantahala River with them. Aside from that type of memory, Carolina rarely crossed my mind. When Julie chose Davidson College as her intended seat of higher learning things began to change. I began to pay attention. Then when Jessie decided that Furman University was going to be her Alma Mater, I decided that maybe they knew something I didn't.
In the past 9 years we have made a least 30 trips to take them to school, visit them or bring them home for the summer. Using the mileage to Furman from Eustis (Jessie wanted to go to school closer to home -- big deal it is 8 miles closer) the Explorer has logged over 30,000 miles to and through the Carolinas. So the trip this past weekend to Greenville for Parents Weekend would have been routine for us, except that they were there.
I have driven a thousand plus miles in one day, because they were there. And they know I would again tomorrow if they needed me. I am always ready to go. I am their Dad, and that is my job. I am there when they need me and here when they don't. But in my heart and in my mind I am in Carolina.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
Folksy at Heart October 11, 2004
Eustis, my adopted hometown had its 7th annual folk festival this past weekend. Maggie the Dog and I went downtown Saturday morning to listen to the music and performers. We had a great time walking around and accepting affection from others that were in a music listening, performer watching mood. Maggie is shameless when we go out and will roll over when anyone stops to rub her belly. This trip as always, she was well behaved and happy to greet everyone.
We made the 10:30 performance at Alexander Park in downtown. Alexander Park was created when the old Bay Pharmacy building on the corner of Magnolia and Orange burned down, many years ago. Maggie wanted to see my brother Wayne do his set of folk music for the morning. We both enjoyed listening and watching him. I think Wayne has definite talent and did great. Later after taking Maggie home I decided to watch him perform at the band shell on Lake Eustis. Accompanied by friends from the M. T. Pawketts Revue, he gave the best performance I ever saw him do. In fact the entire group did well. I could tell Wayne was please by his grin.
As I sat I wished that Mom could have been there listening to him. It is times like this that I miss her the most. Who knows maybe she was listening and singing along.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
Random Thoughts for October 2nd October 2, 2004
Picking up twigs and limbs does not require a lot of thought. I found myself today with a lot of different things going through my head. This date is scored into my brain and because of the events of today has had new meaning added. First today would have been my Mothers 82nd birthday. I still find it a bit hard to deal with her passing back in May. Celebrating a birth and a life is always what it should be about. Live with joy to the fullest every day. So I took time from clearing the hurricane debris from my roof to think of her and remember her as she would want to be remembered, Living life and taking care of her family. Through the lessons she taught me, she is still doing that today.
I watched as Julie set off today to start another phase of her life. She packed her car and headed for North Carolina on an adventure. How proud I am of her. How I enjoyed her wit and sense of humor, how I cherished her being here with us for the past year. I remember the comment she made one night when I said something that was way off the subject. "Wow, Dad that was a really random thought." It was, but that's the way I am most of the time. I spent a few minutes in her room, being flooded with random thoughts, memories of her childhood. I needed a few more minutes with her the child, now the woman on her own. Will the lessons I tried to teach her, serve her in the years to come. I can only hope.
Two lives that bookend mine started today. One was a birth. One was the start of a new life. All are connected by love. Maybe the thoughts aren't really that random.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
Time Moves On September 25, 2004
It is hard to put a label on the last month of my life. The events that have occurred helped me to focus on the importance of living my life in a no regret attitude, being the person that I need to be and being the best I can for those close to me.
Stress has decided to move in permanently because of all the hurricanes we have been exposed to in the last month. And we have another on the way tonight and tomorrow. So far we have been fortunate suffering only some broken tree limbs and tons of debris at our house. The stress comes form the anticipation that this time you might not be so fortunate.
The untimely death of our nephew reminds me that life is precious. His absence continues to be felt on a daily basis in our house, through remembrances, and photos.
Jessie has returned to school in South Carolina and by all accounts is enjoying the beginning of her Senior Year. It seems like yesterday that I was standing in front of her first grade class for a parents day presentation of what my job was about. She seemed to be proud and happy that I was there, just because I was her Dad. I know that she is aware of how proud I am of her as a person, a young woman, a student, and a daughter, and how happy I am because she is there, where she needs to be.
Julie is leaving for North Carolina this week. She has decided to take a job in the town where she attended college. This is an opportunity too good to pass up. It is a step for her to be on her own. She's ready for it and I am thrilled for her chance to return to North Carolina. I will miss the fun times we have had in the past year and I feel blessed to have been able to enjoy her as an adult, a friend and not just as a daughter. I want her to know how happy I am because she is there, where she needs to be.
I am where a lot of people have been, at a point where things are changing forever. For better or worse, I am excited and anxious as well for them and myself. Time moves on and so must I.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
Thirty-five Years Later September 13, 2004
It's June 1969 and fifty-two energetic and aspiring high school students await their name to be called and walk across the stage at the Garrett Student Center for the piece of paper that they have worked twelve years for. How long that twelve years seemed to us at the time. Those twelve years represented about two-thirds of our lives to that point in time. It was all we had known, but represented only a small part of what we were to learn in the years that followed.
Fast forward to the present and another gathering of slightly older and wiser members of the same group. As full of energy as we were then, at least that weekend. Laughing, hugging, and kissing each other after years of separation. Rejoicing and starting again when someone "new" walked in. Remembering the great times of our youth and sharing the good and bad times of our lives with each other into the wee hours of the morning. I thought back to the mixed feelings I had in anticipation of our reunion. Why had I felt that way? From the first greeting to the last good-bye, it was pure joy.
The girls in the class are ageless, gracious and beautiful women, and the guys are mostly balding and a few pounds overweight, but their hearts and minds are wonderful. I wished that the weekend hadn't passed so quickly. I barely scratched the surface of renewing friendships.
Some one said the we were indeed blessed as children to have been educated at "College High". Part of that blessing is seeing the people we have become. We were blessed indeed.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
Brian September 7, 2004
Sometimes I don't know where to begin or even really what to say. Life at times, can show a hard cruel side. This happened to our family this past week with the passing of our nephew Brian. He was a gentle, fun-loving soul. Always bringing happiness into our lives with his contagious smile and laughter. He was the brother my girls never had, teasing and joking with them one minute, and protecting and taking care of them the next. We are heartbroken and hurting for ourselves and especially for his Mom and Dad. Brian was 27 years old, and in my judgment taken too early. Our memories of him are treasures we hold close and dear, and sadly must last us a lifetime. Remembering the way he was in life brings a smile to our lips, knowing that we will be together again someday, brings a smile to our heart. God Bless you Brian, we love and miss you.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
Reunion in Bowling Green August 21, 2004
Have you ever had something you wanted to do so much, but dreaded doing it as much as you wanted to do it in the first place? That is the way I am feeling about my upcoming high school reunion (August 28,2004)in Bowling Green. Thirty five years is a long time. I am not sure what to expect from myself or from the others that will be there. Have they changed as much as I have? I don't just mean have they lost there hair or gained weight. How much have the core values changed since that time. What is most important to them now? Family, friends, fortune, or fame?
Some I hope to see I will not have seen in over twenty-five years. When I last saw them I had no children, although Julie was on the way. I had been married for a few years and had high expectations for our future. Most of my expectations have been met. And for that I am grateful. The disappointments in my life are either my fault or beyond my control, and I'm not bitter about them. I have made some good friends, work with some great people and have a wonderful wife, two perfect daughters that love and tolerate me, and Maggie the best dog in the world. All in all, not a bad life.
Tana Comer, the president of the 1969 graduating class of University High School, has told me that many of the class members will be there and I am excited at the prospects of catching up on the past years of their lives. I am wondering how it would have been, if we knew then what we know now. I'll let you know.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
Dog Days of Summer August 11, 2004
Here we are in the Dog Days of Summer again. Soon it will be time for Jessie to head back to Greenville for her Senior year in college. One last trip to deposit my still dependent daughter (and a chunk of money) at that great seat of higher education known as Furman University. My how time flies. Seems like yesterday we were getting ready for the first trip. I am savoring each moment with her and her last few days at home. I am really proud of the woman she is becoming. Monday she is an official adult, and more responsible each day.
I'd love to take all the credit for her, but the truth is she has had many positive influences in her life. So maybe I'll just say thank you to all that helped (knowingly or unknowingly) her reach this point. As a Dad, I did the best I could, but without these influences in her life, I would have had a more difficult time.
I learn so much about myself each day from my daughters. Sometimes I even see myself in them. A scary thought for the most part, but it does remind me that I am vested in their lives and they in mine. And that is the way God planned it.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
Personalities July 19, 2004
We had another of our corporate division meetings on Saturday. This meeting was a bit different than the recitation of the points of a new program or a safety presentation. This one I think a lot of us can use. I like my colleagues took time to do a Myers Briggs personality assessment. We had a good natured time trying to figure ourselves out, and also those around us. Clearly this isn't an end all to the various types of people I work with, but it does help me to begin to understand why some of us are the way we are and how we can improve communication by speaking each others "language". Many subtle things in our personalities find ways to irritate others of a different personality. Maybe understanding these traits could help us realize the problems we face.
We were told that no one type was better than the other, and that may be so. All I know is that I am glad there are lots of different types on my team. It sure makes it interesting.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
Another Lesson Learned July 10, 2004
Everyday I try to learn something new. Sometimes it is some bit of history that either Julie or Jessie clues me in to. I enjoy learning from them. That confirms that the investment we made in their education was worth it. Seeing them use there minds to discuss various topics make me realize how proud of them I am.
Today I learned something the hard way. I'm not as young as I used to be. No surprise as of late, but a solid reminder. One of our great oak trees died this spring and I decided to remove it, just as I have done with other trees on our property. I couldn't see paving someone else to do it, so with trusty saws in hand I began removing limbs that would make my plan easier to complete. To me a successful removal is not hitting the house or a car. That really shouldn't be a problem for me though, I have watched most of the old Bob Saget Funniest Home Videos, dealing with sawing down trees.
Actually I found out that I can't deal with the heat as easily as I once did. So after about three hours of limb removal I decided to make this a multi-day task. I am proud to report that I can still do almost anything I ever did when I was younger. It just takes me longer to do it now.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
Scattered Thoughts July 3, 2004
Sometimes when I write I don't know where to start. It isn't because I don't have anything to say, in fact there are several things I have to write about. No one issue screams to me to be the most important. Today is one of those days.
Mary and my girls had a great time in New York City from Sunday morning to Wednesday night, seeing a couple of plays and doing lots of sightseeing. Jessie said she'd never walked more in her life. I know she really enjoyed being there this time. This was the third time for Julie, but I believe she had as much fun as the first time she went. They do have some stories to tell.
After I dropped them at the airport before sunrise on Sunday, I spent the day a one of Disney's water parks with a friend and enjoyed and admired the natural scenic beauties that abound there (I hope that was tactful enough). Swimming, riding the rides, floating the lazy river and relaxing in the sun got my time "alone" off to a pleasant start. Besides myself the only thing I was responsible for was making sure our beloved Maggie got her food and medication.
Thursday was the follow up visit to the Doctor, on my journey into middle-age. I think he was mostly pleased with the results (it is so hard to get a read on him) but I was relieved. I do have things to work on, but aside from the extra weight and high blood pressure I am not in too bad condition. One of my friends encouraged me to look at the South Beach diet. I hate the thought of a diet but something has to change. Sticking around may be the reason.
Thanks to Julie for my new logo called the Cyclist. She created it for a birthday card to me and I have added it to the site. I saw a lot of symbolism in it....notice how it seems I going down hill ? That would mean I have gone uphill, peaked and am now "over the hill". Julie would deny that I am sure. Nevertheless time marches (runs at a sprint) on.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
Sympathy June 24, 2004
O.K., so yesterday was my visit to the doctor and I am thinking this won't be too bad. I'll slip in and they'll ask a few questions, take my blood pressure, tell me to loose some weight and give me a prescription to take care of my high blood pressure and I'm out the door and on with my life. Right? Sure. It seems that my doctor had a few other plans for me.
"Don", he said peering over his half-lens spectacles worn low n his nose. "Don, do you realize it has been four years since you were last in my office?:
"Well Doc", I said realizing that the clock was running, "I've been feeling very good the past few years."
"Doesn't matter how you felt you needed to be checked, you're at that age" (Again with the age thing). "Lets take a look....(Doc put the sphygmomanometer on my right arm and started pumping.) As an aside sphygmomanometer was one of the few things I remembered from Mr. Almonds eighth grade boys health class. What a great word, not one you'd use in most day to day conversations. It fairly rolls of the tongue. Too bad most nurses just say blood pressure cuff. It would make them sound smarter. Anyway, back to the matter at hand. Doc pumps and listens and hmmmmmms a few times and then says lets try the other arm.
It read 146 over 89 which was much better than the reading of last Friday night.....but nowhere near the 120 over 80 he wants or the 110 over 70 he thinks I need. Having settled the blood pressure question, I was invited to drop my trousers and bend over. An experience that can only be described as being as much fun as trying to put a square peg into a round.....well you know. (I got no sympathy from any of the women in this house, but nothing unusual about that.)
He sat and started making notes in my chart and writing scripts for my medication. I asked if he could write one to make me more handsome and thinner. Without batting an eye he said he was a doctor and not a miracle worker. The response was pretty much as I expected. I did, however, get a special invitation to a blood letting this morning to check a few things in my blood.
I have know him for a long time and have ever doubted his ability or caring for me or for my family. An he is right about this. Sometimes a friend has to talk tough to get the point across.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
Growing Older* (see Post Script) June 15, 2004
I think that I am coming back into possession of my senses. A few months ago I had a glimpse of myself in a photograph or a mirror, I can't remember which, and decided I needed to do something about my age. That old caterpillar that had hung just under my nose for the better part of 35 years had turned almost solid white, making my face appear as if I had another hole in my head. I decided that maybe I'd try some of the "Just for Men" products that promised to take years off of you just by darkening that gray and white hair. I found a product that was supposed to work on facial hair... my moustache...and make it that great dark color it was when I was eighteen. So began the experiment.
I first spent a few moments in Eckerd's trying to decide which shade came closest to matching my eyebrows. (They are the only hair that has not given up to the aging process and remain that glorious dark brown they always were.) I did this by holding the picture of great looking hair on the box up next to my eyebrows and looking into a mirror at the sunglass display. Eventually I decided on a natural dark brown and headed home to let it work its wonders. That it did and left me wondering how anyone could call the reddish brown color my moustache had become a natural dark brown. Perhaps it needed a second coat. Maybe it was like painting a white wall with one coat of paint. The second coat was a bit better so I decided to try it. The next day at work most people noticed something different but didn't really know what. The second day I was discovered, ridiculed and semi humiliated so I decided that maybe I should just trim it up and not worry about it. So I trimmed and groomed it and it did look better... until it began to grow. So I trimmed again... and again. By the third trim, the moustache looked white with red dingleberries hanging on the tips. Anyway, it was too short to even call a moustache anymore, so for the first time in a long while I was totally clean-shaven.
Having no facial hair took some getting used to. Besides the obvious red splotches under my nose from shaving areas that had not been shaved in five years, I did start getting a few compliments on how much younger I looked with out all that white hair. The compliments were mostly from young women, that still thought of me as either their father or as someone who had completely lost it. Still I shaved on.
Then one Sunday at church, Pastor Al Bishop was making a comment on Mom's passing and the fact that several congregation members had recently experienced losing a parent and that this was something that often happened to us as we reached middle-age. MIDDLE-AGE!!!!!!! MIDDLE-AGE!!!!!!! Here I am fighting it like crazy and he announces to the entire church that Don Carter is "MIDDLE-AGED".... Hmmmm. But of course he was right. I am there, whether I wanted to be or not. You can grow older or take the alternative and be 6 feet under, or in a jar in your widow's closet. Reality is sometimes very harsh.
I'm letting my white moustache grow again. But I am not giving up on my effort to be forever young. Instead I am going to concentrate on fighting the battle of youth on the inside, to be young at heart and in spirit. At least I know that I'll have lots of role models and allies in this battle. You don't really have a choice either.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
*Post Script June 19, 2004. I don't usually add, or edit after I have posted something, but to underscore that growing older, I have known for a while that I most likely had high blood pressure, despite the biking and exercise that I do. Friday night after a movie, I spent a few hours in the Emergency Room at Waterman Hospital getting checked out because I didn't "feel" well. I'd had a little numbness in my right arm in the afternoon, which was unusual for me. After a few tests they decided that my heart was in good shape and that I had probably had high blood pressure for about a year. So after taking a couple of pills the pressure dropped to a safe level and they sent me home with a prescription for Norvasc and a command that I see my doctor this week, which I won't put off. Thanks Dr. Nevala, Krista, Kat and Bill for your great care and reassurance. Thanks to Jessie and Julie for urging me to go get checked, and to Mary for being there for me.
City of New Orleans June 10, 2004
Mary is taking a well deserved few days and meeting her sister and brother-in-law in New Orleans. His company is based there and while he is doing business, Mary and her sister will be doing their best to make sure New Orleans remembers them for sometime to come. I don't know what all they have planned but I am sure there won't be many minutes that aren't active ones.
After all that has happened to her in the last year, she has made a great recovery. Looking at her one would not know what she has been through. In fact she is probably the healthiest she has ever been. She has had some wonderful doctors along the way, and the care and love from her family and beloved dog, Maggie.
Speaking of Maggie, she is sitting on the back of of the living room sofa, gazing out the window waiting for Mary to come home tonight. Maggie, like the rest of us, miss her when she is not here. So have fun Mary, enjoy the sights and the food. Hurry home because the back of the sofa is crowded.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
Healing Hearts June 5, 2004
I had a good long conversation with my brother last night on our cell phones. He called to wish me a belated Happy Birthday and to see how I was "holding up" since our Mom's death last month. It was a good conversation for a couple of reasons. We spoke from our hearts about the almost three years since Mom had her stroke, her death, and how we felt about it. We talked about why God allowed her to linger so long in that state, whether she recognized us when we visited her in Fort Oglethorpe and what did she want us to learn from this.
My take is that everything happens for a purpose in life. I choose to believe that God is trying to teach me (or someone in the family) something through Mom's sickness and death. I can't say that I fully understand it or know what it was, or that it was even meant for me. My job is to pay attention and maybe it'll be revealed to me.
His take is different at this point, but I understood where he was coming from. Each of us is working through her death at a different pace, and come at it from 6 different directions. In reality, it's not that strange. Mom raised six children, as different in their approach to life as six people ever were, but all the same in their love for her. Maybe that's why they are all so special to me.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
Planning the Work, Working the Plan May 30, 2004
Have you ever had something start out so badly that you just couldn't see how it would ever work out right? I left the office early on Friday for my annual trip to bring one of my daughters home from college. Currently I am in the third year of a four year commitment with Jessie. As I said the trip began Friday afternoon. My plan was to drive until nine or ten o'clock, find a hotel and do a bit of office work for an hour or two, then sleep and be on my way again by eight the next morning, getting me to Furman after her exams were finished. Sounded like a great plan. As I headed north on I-75, the usually reliable 1992 Ford Explorer we own, decided it wanted to run on the hot side. I stopped and checked it for problems but decided to head to Atlanta and find an all night Ford shop and have it checked. Taking advantage of the technology on hand I cell-phoned Julie and had her gather the info online and call me back. Having located on in Norcross which was on my way I felt encouraged to head north with an eye on the temperature gauge. I stopped frequently to let the Explorer cool down. Near Macon I contacted the garage to get an exact location only to find that they were only opened until 11 o'clock and only worked on large trucks. The guy I spoke with did recommend a shop that was opened on Saturday. Hmm. I managed to get through Atlanta and on to I-85 and found a hotel near the shop, around 2 A.M.
At 7 o'clock I was at the shop but had to wait until they opened at 8 A.M. Fortunately they were able to remedy the problems and I was on the road to Greenville by 1 o'clock.
By the time I got to Furman, Jessie and her friends had hauled off the futon and her loft to the new owners, packed her computer and cleared the refrigerator. I brought in the boxes and she finished packing. By 5:30 we were loaded and heading for supper. Suddenly we were back on schedule, in fact we were really ahead of schedule. We ate and headed for Florida and stopped for the night just north of Savannah and arrived back in Eustis by noon.
It's interesting to me how things can turn on a heartbeat. How God's plans are better than ours. I planned to help her with the tear down of the loft, but she handled it, and better that I would have. As a Dad, I'd say I taught her well and let it go at that, but in reality I was the one that learned the lesson that day. God had His plan in the works for me. Maybe He is saying, "I taught him well", again, and let it go at that.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
Laying Mom to Rest May 23, 2004
We laid Mom to rest yesterday. I sat in fabric covered folding chair under a green funeral tent and thought about a multitude of things. I watched as my brothers and sisters were comforted by their spouses, holding their hands, rubbing their backs, touching them and letting them know in a non-verbal way, they too felt the pain of our Mom's death. A soft breeze helped to ease the reminder of the hot Florida sun. It is only May and already over 90 degrees. My mind wandered back over the years, stopping only briefly at a memory here and there. I'd have time to remember in detail later, but I just tried to cram as many into this time as I could. The love she gave without conditions, the lessons I learned well, the ones I didn't and the ones I am still trying to get right, settled into my heart. Maybe someday, I say to myself, maybe someday. Mom was patient with me.
Friends and family came to pay respect to her. Her preacher came from Chattanooga, and reminded us of how others saw her. We loved her for giving us life, and helping us learn to live it. I always thought what you saw was what you got with Mom. I always liked what I saw in her. If I wind up the same, I'll have no complaint.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by
The Final Journey (Part I) May 16, 2004
The journey began on October 2, 1922. Part I of the journey ended at 12:48 A.M. Thursday May 13, 2004 and the 2nd part began. Mom passed from this life into the hands of God. Her departure from here although anticipated, left me with mixed feelings that I am sure I'll be sorting out for a long time. We've had almost three years of grieving for Mom since her stroke left her partially paralyzed and for the most part unable to speak to us and sometimes unable to recognize us. While thinking about things this week I realized that we weren't always grieving for her but for our loss.
To be sure I'll have more to say about this later, and about the support of my sisters and brothers, but for now I have to work through my feelings.
We often celebrate life, we have to celebrate Mom's death, because she is celebrating her new life.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
Heroes, Miracles and Courage May 2, 2004
I've never seen myself as a hero, although I have had my moments. I haven't pulled anyone from a burning building or rescued someone drowning in a pool or lake. Instead if I have any heroic qualities they are the quiet, unassuming kind. Now mind you, I not claiming heroic status with this, but something someone said today made me think that there is hope for all of us. This weekend I did another Multiple Sclerosis 150 mile ride. Just after crossing the finish line I heard some one say "You guys are heroes!" I had to think about it. I suppose that riding a distance of 150 miles is amazing to some, but that doesn't make you a hero. That is just stepping up to the plate. Doing something that we all should be doing anyway, trying to make a difference in others lives. The hero is going to be the doctor or researcher who discovers a cure for this disease.
The is no miracle in my riding either. Someone once said "The Miracle isn't that I finished. The Miracle is that I had the courage to start. I did have the courage to start, and I didn't give up....Don't ever give up.
Thanks to all the friends that gave their gifts of money, for without you it would be just another ride. Thanks to all the Florida Recyclers, riding as Team FedEx, for encouraging each other so much this year. It is so exciting to see the riding level of each of them improve. I was proud of our first year riders too. " What a glorious weekend for us all.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
The Voice April 25, 2004
What is so special about the human voice that commands so much attention? We have all noticed that a crying baby responds best to a mother's soothing voice. I have watched my girls respond and smile at just the sound of their Mother's voice. Of course as children grow up they tend to stop hearing that voice, at least they often stop responding to it (but that's a part of being a teenager). Sometimes it takes the "I mean business" sound of a Dad's voice to get the point across.
Today is the 25th anniversary of my Dad's passing. Despite the years, I hear his voice on almost a daily basis. I hear it in a thousand things I do and say to my children. I hear it without words having been spoken. "Think about this, Don" or "Would you give me a hand", "Always open the door for your Mother". Dad did for people in quiet ways. He spoke volumes to me in a few words. I miss him every day that goes by. There isn't anything I wouldn't give to hear his voice again.
Dad if you hear my voice, "I love you."
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
The Great American Pastime? April 15, 2004
I just finished participating in the "Great American" pastime. No I didn't have a catch with my girls, nor did I swing a bat or run the bases. No peanuts, popcorn or cracker jacks, no hot dogs but the cold beer was good. This pastime will end at midnight on the 15th for most of us. Others find ways to put off the inevitable for a bit longer. Putting it off only makes the pain worse. Filing your income tax! Why do they call it "filing your income tax"? To me it's like a visit to the dentist and having your teeth filed. (Not filled) I wont' give the speech about it being our duty or responsibility or privilege to pay our income taxes, or that we need to give Uncle Sam his due. It's our money to start with. The least Uncle Sam could do is say thank you. He damn sure spends it as fast as we send it in.
But since we are "Great Americans" , we do pay our taxes, just like we raise our kids and pay our mortgages. Some things never change. In the movie "Field of Dreams", James Earl Jones played a writer named Terrance Mann, who reached the conclusion that Baseball has been the one constant in a changing world. Maybe his opinion has merit, but it seems to me that paying our taxes is a close second.
I'm not an Angry American. I believe everything we do has a price. The price for this place, this heaven, this America isn't too great to pay, thanks to you and I, the "Great Americans". God Bless us and keep us in His stead.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
Am I Motivated? March 21, 2004
At various time in my life I have had moments of blinding light revelations that scare the you know what out of me. Other times the truth just sort of comes to me like a discarded dixie cup on the roadside and if I am not paying attention I will fail to glean that tidbit of truth that waits for me. One such tidbit I found on the roadside recently had to do with my motivations. Now like you I am motivated by different stimuli for different parts of my life. For instance, my meager salary that helps to pay the bills around this place is the motivation for getting up and going to work most every day. So I guess you could say money motivates me. The love and challenges I receive from my two daughters has always motivated me to be the best father I could be. (Not perfect mind you, but the best I could be.) So provision for my daughters is also a motivation. Faithfully riding my bicycle more often is motivated by wanting to improve my health, and provides me with the added benefit of encouragement from special friends. These friendships are important to me and I am motivated to maintain them.
I am not however motivated to spend my weekend doing yard work. It no longer has the payback I need to make the effort worth while. I think that is the bottom line for all of us. What is the payback for us? Each of us invests our time and energies in things that give us a payback. This isn't a bad thing necessarily, for we all want something in return. Whether it is happiness or being left alone. How motivated are you to work on an issue? Am I motivated? Yes, as long as there is a payback I can value. Could be just a good feeling for a job well done. But I am tired of putting energies in to something that has no payback or future.
Besides, I rather enjoy the tall grass.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
Another First March 7, 2004
When I began riding a bike again a couple of years ago I didn't fathom the possible challenges that would be presented to a man in his fifties. All in all I weigh the challenges to see if there is some benefit to be gained from it. Is the gain worth it? A few weeks ago I committed to do something that less that 2% of the American population has ever or will ever do. I committed to ride for the American Lung Association's Clean Air Ride. The distance I committed to was 100 miles. You may have read that I rode from St. Augustine to Daytona Beach and back in two days. A mere 80 miles per day. But this was 100 miles in a day.
I made it! To be exact the distance ridden was 102 miles. Did I struggle? Of course. Never was it in my mind to give up, but there were a few times I wondered if it was worth it. Someone once said "That which doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." I continue to surprise myself. I found that I was able to confirm one of the tenants of what I wrote in "I Believe" in 2002. "I believe-that you can keep going, long after you can't." Even though my body was in total rebellion from my brain, it pushed on. And with the help of three friends encouragement, I completed the ride in 6 hours and 33 minutes of riding. Another goal set and met.
Thanks to Tom, Karol, and Jim for encouraging me along the way. Life shouldn't be a solitary journey if you have friends.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
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Another Day In
Paradise
February 8, 2004 For almost twenty years now, if I am asked how things are going I have
responded "Just another day in paradise." Only the intonation and word
emphasis give away my true thoughts about how I am actually doing or what kind
of day it has been. Most of the time, when people ask the question, they really
don't want to know any detail of what is actually happening to you on that day.
It is merely a way to acknowledge one's presence. A greeting and nothing more.
Take from the statement what you will, either good, bad or indifferent. I do use a few other terms for when family asks the question, "How was
your day?" For the most part I don't give them a moment by moment breakdown
of what happened. I must confess that more than once I have come home
from work in a bad mood and unloaded on people that I shouldn't have. That
damage has already been done. Now I try to say "fine" if it was
bad day and if they want to know more about it, they'll ask. If I have a great day, which for some reason lately has been rare, I
say "I had a great day". I have learned that most people don't give a damn after they ask, It is just
a formality for them. Except for a few friends. And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
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Settling In
January 22, 2004 I can always tell when I the New Year begins to settle in with me. If you are
like me there seems to be a requisite number of times to incorrectly write last
years "year" on checks or type in letters or other papers you don't
have time to go back and correct. I am pleased to report that this week I only
managed to be incorrect on one occasion, Monday of this past week. It was a
minor offense and was easily corrected using white-out and a black ink pen. Our trip on the 10th to Greenville, South Carolina to visit Jessie at Furman
University was great. Jessie performed for about 125 of her fellow students and
even a professor or two. I have always told her she had a beautiful voice. But
ever since she did a solo in church at the age off 5 or 6, she tended to be a
bit shy about performing. She made up for it on Saturday night. I don't know how
many songs she did, but She did some that she had written, one especially that I
loved, is called "The Greener Side". I know I was the proudest Dad
there. Jordan, her roommate played and sang as well. She is really talented too.
They did several together and Jessie even sang solo on one of Jordan's
originals. So far this year I am doing things I enjoy, whether riding, spending time
talking with a friend, or hanging out with Julie at home. Things are settling in
for me. Life is pretty good for me in this combination. And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
Moonlight
Ride
January 8, 2004 If you have read any of my Monographs you will know that I really enjoy
riding my bike with friends. Although most of my rides are daylight rides,
sometimes I enjoy a ride in the dark. You say, Don what is so unusual about
that, you're in the dark most of the time anyway. A point well taken. But last
night was a great ride, one of my most memorable. The air was cold and the temperature was dropping as we started the ride from
Winter Garden and headed down the Trail towards County Line Station. Darkness
was closing in on us and riding a bike in the dark presents the same problems as
trying to drive a car at night using your turn signal as the only light to see
by. (I now know that I need brighter lights to ride with.) Although the darkness
was present we rode on with our dim lights shining enough to make out silhouettes
of people and hazards along the trail. In a while, the nearly full moon peaked above the trees and added its light
to make things a bit more clear. It was a winter moon, you know the kind, so far
away you feel cold. Not like a full moon in the spring or summer, warm, young,
and romantic. Maybe the coldness was remembrance from years ago growing up in
Kentucky. All I know is that the coldness the moon and the forty-five degree
temperature added to the night was replaced by the genuine warmth of the
conversations of the ride and dinner. I counted myself fortunate to have a good
friend to share the evening with. And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
Happy New Year
2004
January 2, 2004 I committed to A
Change this year. I'm not really sure whether or not I'll follow through or not
but a friend and I are committed to have some "Serious Fun". The
serious fun part came about from something my friend had seen on a tee shirt. We
both liked it. It made sense to us. As I reflected I realized that we both take
ourselves too seriously, too much of the time. So aside from some serious fun I
am making an effort to remind my friend to "Lighten Up". I suspect
sooner or later my friend will tell me to go jump in a lake. I hope not because
reminding my friend also reminds me to have some "Serious Fun", guilt
free and to lighten up. I could use a few more friends like this, but this
one is special, a once in a life time acquaintance. Remembering good
friends, a nice way to start the New Year. And to my
friends who remain, Happy New Year and Thanks for
stopping by