Monographs 2009
Thanksgiving 2009 November 29, 2009
I am amazed at the flood of feeling and emotions that chose this week to come home to roost. Happy, Joyous and Sadness rained down on me in quantities that I haven't felt since May of this year. Although I should have been, I was not prepared to deal with them. Our daughter from Asheville and her husband were able to make the drive down along with our daughter from Mount Dora to the house for Thanksgiving. Since May, I am happiest when they are near. They continue to bring joy into my life by just being our daughters. I am richly blessed to be their Dad.
It is however very bitter-sweet to have the joy and happiness they bring, tempered by the sadness I feel at the loss of the traditional family this year. It is a struggle to find where we all fit in, what type of relationship works with each of us. The limits were tested and retested this year. Some things work and some don't. I suppose it will be so for a few more Holidays until we find the secret.
It will come and who knows, it may be acceptable to all of us. My deepest hope is that happiness will overtake us all. My prayer is just that.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
This Pleases Me August 2, 2009
A friend mentioned to me the other day that they noticed I had started writing again after a long break. They said that they were glad to see the new Monographs and would have to get back in the habit of checking the website again. Then they asked me why I had stopped in the first place. I reflected on it for a minute and said that I had made a promise to some one that I wouldn't write. Funny how you make promises and do things to make other people happy, when doing so makes yourself unhappy. The reason for the promise no longer exists.
I am learning these days that you may please someone by doing or not doing something, but you won't make them happy. It seems to me that being happy is something that you control yourself, and not for someone else. Trying to make someone happy made me unhappy. I stopped doing something I enjoyed because I wanted to please someone else, but stopping made me unhappy.
I see things more clearly now. And forgive me if I sound to self-centered, but for a while I am going to make myself happy. If I can please others along the way, without making my self unhappy all the better. Your happiness doesn't depend on me nor mine on you. This pleases me.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
Happy Anniversary July 31, 2009
Today would be my parents Sixty-sixth wedding anniversary. I pause just a moment to make note of it and remember all the things they did for me and the sacrifices they made for me and all my brothers and sisters. The reality of life is that they were actually married just short of thirty six years, but in my heart and minds eye I still see them together, proud of their children, grandchildren and their great-grandchildren. I am sure that the recent visit of three of their grand daughters and their children would have made them beam with excitement as the laughter and good natured teasing brought smiles to our hearts.
The love they shared over the years, the trials they endured were examples for us. I wonder how they would feel , what would they say about things I have experienced. I think I know, but it is nice to know that I would have had their support.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
How in the World are You? June 30, 2009
"How in the World are you?", the email from a long time friend asked.
How in the World am
I ? Hmmmm. I think I am ok. I have been divorced for a month now, although it
seems like the attorneys are still treating us as if that weren't so. I suppose
it is due to the settlement and following through to make sure it gets done. It
seems a short time maybe because I have traveled so much this month, having been
to Smiths Grove, KY and San Diego, CA, each for a week and then to
Honolulu, Hawaii for a week. Back to back trips have been a good way to kill
time..... I spent last week painting and repairing things around the house
getting it ready to list for sale so that the demands of the settlement
agreement can be met. I like what Larry the Cable Guy says.....99% of the
lawyers give the rest of them a bad name.
I will say that despite it not being what I wanted at this time in my life, I
feel a ton of stress off my shoulders and out of my life. I have rediscovered
part of me, hidden for too long. I am talking now to everyone and anyone
that will talk, about anything that they want to discuss, in short I think
that at one time in my life I was very outgoing, but being married changed
me...or I allowed it to change me. I haven't found the balance yet. I'm
not in any hurry to "go out or date"....may never be, but that is down
the road a ways. Right now I'm just hanging out with my daughters and family.
I'm doing things and having fun with other friends and just relaxing. I'm
learning to cook, and trying to manage a household of one. I'm drinking too much
scotch (never thought I say that)...but only at appropriate times. I even got
asked to dance at one of the clubs. I haven't done that in a very long
time....and I remember why...I am not a good dancer.... but all in all LIFE IS
STILL GOOD, and I am working at it. I am still seeing a counselor about once a
month now, and going to a men's group at a church here in Orlando on Monday
nights....and trying to repair my ego and my heart, and learning to care about
Don and put him first for a while. After years of putting her and the girls
first, Don got sort of lost in all of this.
It is kind of a mixed bag of emotions to be honest. I don't want to carry the
baggage of not forgiving or being forgiven. I have seen too much of that in the
last year. I am doing this while I watch everything I ever wanted and worked for
disappear before my very eyes. This says everything and nothing, but that is how
I am doing.
Maybe I should have just left it at "I am doing ok."
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
Catching Up with Old Friends June 6, 2009
Today I have been out of high school for 40 years. And though it seems only a short time ago much has happened in those years. I've gone to and finished college, married a wonderful woman, had two of the best kids you could ask for, watched them start there own adult lives, and finally, divorced after 33 years of marriage. During that time I wasn't as careful as I should have been in keeping and maintaining old friendships. Distance and other demands on my time made keeping some of them almost impossible to keep. Add to it that I also changed to a different school for high school, and lots of the friends of my youth were separated by reason of geography. Perhaps if we had had the internet in that stone age period, I could have kept in contact. But smoke signals can only be seen from so far away.
A few months ago I was fortunate enough to run across a friend on a discussion forum on the internet and we were able to reconnect despite that fact he now lives half way around the world. We began to compare notes of our lives found we enjoy catching up on the past. For a great portion of my married life I felt that my wife did not share the same attitude about friends, and I began to realize that I was in fact a more socially outgoing person than she. Now that the girls were on there own I enjoyed catching up with friends about their live.
So as a result of that, I journeyed back to Kentucky this weekend to attend a 40 year class reunion. Although I didn't graduate from this school, I did spend most of my formative years with them and despite my initial hesitance to go, felt welcomed by all, even those who did not remember me. While I was there we toured the town, looked at our old houses, our grandparents houses, the school we attended and the cemetery our ancestors are buried in. We caught up with folks that I haven't seen in too long. I researched family secrets and myths, found a photo of my grandfather taken about a hundred hears ago, talked with a cousin, and ran into a couple of my old crushes. Forty years has seen the loss of several friends from that group, and I think of them often.
God has blessed me in so many ways, knowing friends like I caught up with this week end is just one of them.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.
Life Changes April 28, 2009
Hello My Friends,
Life for me has changed. I haven't been in touch for a while but I thought I'd
let you know that Mary and I reached a settlement this past week, and the
final divorce decree will be entered sometime this week or next. So ends 33
years of marriage together and begins new and separate lives. We are in
the process of going through things, dividing the accumulation and preparing to
place the house on the market.
As much as I am saddened by all of this, I am anxious to get on with the next
part of life and I am excited to see what Christ has in store for me. I have
tried hard to take the high road through the process and feel that for the most
part I was able to do so. It has been important to me that our daughters know
that everything that could reasonably be done to salvage the marriage had been
done. In the end though, reconciliation was not to be.
I want to thank you for you
prayers and the times you allowed me to ramble on about the pain I was feeling
through endless conversations and emails. Each of you helped me with your
understanding and the knowledge that you did indeed care about not only me, but
Mary as well.
I don't know where the road will take me from here. I am not sure if I am ready,
but I do know that I have to move on. I ask for your continued prayer and
encouragement. May God bless you and thank you for being a part of my life.
And to my friends who remain, thanks for stopping by.